Oh so many years ago I knew things: what words I wanted to say and at the exact right time, how to spell, when to just listen, etc. Those days are long gone. As I glide deeper into my experiences with bipolar 1 disorder and all the medications that I have to take just to barely manage it, I seem to have lost these “super powers.” I’m left with poor explanations of what I really mean that never quite make all that much sense.
These days, I often start stories out loud to people around the half-way point, believing that they were in my thoughts all along so they were already up to speed. This creates chaos and confusion for the listener, and I’m rarely aware of my own mis-step. However, if one can keep up or just kind of knows to ask, then I’ve found a true friend. In my mind anyway.
This could be solved with technology: speech-to-text and all. However, at the moment, my anxiety/paranoia keep me from speaking aloud and I try to be as quiet as I can be.
This is all par for the course, and something that not everyone is dealing with, but it’s okay if it happens to you. You’re certainly not alone.