YOU’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

With a mental illness and non-visible disability, you can be whoever you want in a way. What I mean to say is that you’re not required to tell anyone your status/diagnosis. You most certainly can, but maybe that Lyft driver only needs to think that you’re a consultant at the hospital that you go to every day for months on end. On the East Coast, while in reality my day job is seeing a different health care professional near daily, I’m now a “creative writer” (‘magical realism’ more specifically) or a “cultural phenomenon” (even though I’m not quite sure what that would entail). You’ve no need to share unless you feel it. It can even be a safety thing: people knowing that you can’t comprehend everything could take advantage of that.

“I don't know where you're going, but you're going to slip”

Of course, with my memory being as pathetic as it is, I can’t keep track of what of I’ve said to whom. Maybe my PT sees me as disabled (without a job), or maybe it’s my stylist. Anyways, there just aren’t that many Lyft drivers around these parts. So perhaps one day I’ve told my real story to my PT, and then at a different session I tell her something completely different (“writer” is a fairly accurate fall back though, no matter what, and I generally try to spend some time daily working out things that are in my head and putting them together on paper, or at least digitally, though I have plenty of half-used notebooks as well).

Who do you see yourself as? Not that there’s anything wrong with accepting complete disability (I have, to an extent), it’s just about finding something within that space that works for you and keeps your mind busy.